How to Be Kind To Yourself
Many of us struggle with self-care. Sometimes it is lacking in our lives, and sometimes we justify overindulging in what becomes a false definition of self-care. What does it truly mean to show kindness to ourselves and take part in self-care? In this post, you may find some valuable answers that could help change your life for the better.
What is the definition of self-care?
When we talk about self-care, many of us tend to think of luxurious ways to spend our time like taking a long bubble bath, extensive skin and hair treatments, enjoying a rich dessert, binge-watching our favorite show, scrolling on social media, and many other things we enjoy (or we believe will help us feel better). The problem is that self-care isn’t always as fun or easy as we like to think.
Self-care truly means taking the time to do things that will help improve your life and overall well-being. Sometimes in order for us to be well and improve our health, we must plan out time to exercise or take that first step to eating healthier even if we don’t want to. It might mean scheduling time with a therapist or having an important conversation with a friend about boundaries that have been crossed. Choosing to take care of ourselves properly can be a challenge. It’s alright for us to purely seek enjoyment or indulge in the things we love now and then, but sometimes we won’t see improvement in our lives until we do the difficult tasks we might be avoiding out of fear or uncertainty.
Sometimes, what we think is a beneficial self-care activity is making our health worse or simply keeping us stuck and comfortable. It is important to distinguish and think of the long-term effects of the activities and habits we take part in. The easier and more enjoyable self-care tasks may act as a way to temporarily recharge or improve our mood at the given time. However, if you want to significantly improve your well-being, you need to make bigger changes by taking action on the more challenging tasks.
How can we choose to take action?
Taking action is something that can be paralyzing for many. You may be confused about what direction you should take and need help sorting out the issue. Maybe you know exactly what to do, but you are procrastinating because there is an underlying fear of the unknown or a negative outcome. There are several ways to combat this fear or uncertainty.
Change Your Outlook
You could try to help overcome the fear or uncertainty by changing your outlook on the situation. It may sound obvious and you might think, it’s easier said than done, but it is achievable. The best way to convince yourself to take on the necessary challenges is by making the idea of trying a little easier and less intimidating.
Let’s say the self-care task you need to accomplish to improve your well-being is to quit the job that is toxic for you and start the business you’ve been thinking about for years. It’s intimidating because even though your current job is toxic for you, it provides financial security and you can’t predict how successful starting your own business might be. Your first instinct is to stay with your current job and deal with it even though you are unhappy and haven’t been able to take care of your health as you want because you are convincing yourself from the start that your business might fail. However, if you never try starting that business, you’ll be stuck at that toxic job or another job you don’t want forever with heavy regret and wondering if you ever could have made it. If your new business fails, at least you tried and you can always find another job. If you think about it, the best decision is to start the new business, either while still working at your current job or quitting right of the bat. No matter what it will pull you out of that unhealthy work environment and give you a clear answer if your business will be successful or not by trying it out and taking action.
Let’s say the essential self-care task you want to accomplish is a little more broad like eating healthier this year. You can use the same reasoning as the work scenario by asking yourself, how will I ever accomplish my health goals or live longer by not trying? You at least have to try to find the answers, see personal growth, and properly take care of yourself. If you change your outlook, taking action is less intimidating and the answers become clearer.
Set a Plan and Realistic Goals to Take Effective Action
In order to take effective action, it is helpful to have a basic plan and to set reasonable goals that you can realistically follow. If your goals are too unrealistic or perhaps you set too many goals out of ambition, you will never see the progress and results you want. Even worse, you could experience burnout making it even more difficult to accomplish your self-care tasks. It may take some time to think about how you will take action and what goals you must set first. It is better to set simple actionable goals that you know you can achieve and then level up your goals and priorities as you progress.
It is similar to playing a video game or a board game. You can’t jump right to the boss level or the end of the game and expect to have all the experience and tools you need to win. Building up your goal takes time and effort to achieve the beginning levels before you can move on to the harder levels and beat the boss. Think about treating your self-care goals as a game and start with one to three simple actions and goals that you know you can achieve at your level and you know you will see improvement. This will not only bring you more success, but it will also make the journey along the way more enjoyable and encouraging.
If your broad self-care goal is to get in better physical shape, then an example of a first-level goal you might set is as follows: “I will roll out my yoga mat in the living room at 7:30 am every morning Monday-Saturday, and complete 10 minutes of gentle yoga. Sunday will be my day to recover and relax.” Notice that the goal is very simple and achievable, but it is also specific and includes the time of day and what days you will do the action. If your self-care goals aren’t specific enough, your brain will start to procrastinate and make excuses because it takes effort, time, and decision making. However, when you are specific about each goal and you write them down or speak it to yourself intentionally, you hold yourself accountable and it feels easier to achieve the goal without making excuses or reaching decision fatigue and giving up. There are many resources and books on the topic of setting goals and creating good habits, so if you are curious to learn more, I would encourage everyone to seek them out. Some popular choices are Atomic Habits, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Deep Work, Tiny Habits, and The Courage to Be Disliked.
Adjust Your Attitude About Yourself
Another way to make self-care more doable and enjoyable is to change how you think about yourself. This is something that can be difficult for many people who have had problems with their self-esteem or are experiencing mental health issues like depression and anxiety. If you cannot respect or value yourself enough, you will not be able to take care of yourself like you truly deserve. It will be difficult, but you will have to put in effort to make the first step on your self-care journey by taking care of your mental health and attitude about yourself first.
If you know you are experiencing mental health issues, do not hesitate to seek out guidance from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. You can just talk to someone or you can additionally seek treatment to help manage your symptoms and reframe your thoughts. Maybe you are not experiencing severe mental health issues, but you feel that your self-esteem or self-respect is low. Again, this is a good reason to seek out a therapist or trusted loved one to talk through your thoughts or consult reliable books, podcasts, or other resources on the subject.
Instead of mindlessly scrolling on social media, try taking the time to read a helpful book or to listen to an inspiring podcast, song, or speech on your morning commute. Making this small change can do wonders for your mental and emotional health. Implementing a simple exercise routine to ensure you move your body a little every day can also improve your self-esteem and overall mood. If you take those small steps to improve your attitude about yourself first, it will feel much easier and more enjoyable to keep up your self-care goals and routine.
Self-Care is Showing Kindness
When you practice proper self-care that improves your overall health and well-being, you are showing that you can not only be kind to yourself, but you are also capable of showing kindness and empathy toward others. If you are having trouble taking care of yourself or loving yourself, it will be harder to love and care for others in a healthy way. If you are finding it difficult to take that first step to proper self-care because it feels selfish to you, try reframing it as an act of kindness towards others. If you can be in your best shape mentally and physically, then you can treat others well and approach life with balance. Even if you consider yourself a selfless person, it is necessary to give yourself the attention and care you require so that you can take care of others and hold that balance. If you lose the balance between self-care and care for others, you will start to lose yourself and your happiness. Proper self-care is not a selfish want, but a necessity to live a fulfilling life.
Be Kind to Yourself and Practice Self-Care
The true definition of self-care is finding a way to improve your life and your well-being. Sometimes we can take part in short-term activities that bring us joy in the moment, but if we want to see significant positive change, we must look deeper and find which aspects of our life need the long-term and challenging self-care endeavor. Once we can pinpoint what requires change in our lives, we must take action by improving our outlook and setting effective goals to find clarity and a way to achieve them. We must also change our attitude toward ourselves for the better and remember that self-care isn’t selfish, but an act of kindness to ourselves and others. Self-care is necessary and how we will find true happiness in our lives.